1) Fuck. I feel like a fat cow.

2) It’s so hard to look your best when you’re wearing a watermelon around your waist. Even mascara doesn’t help:(

3) I can’t wait to wear high heels and pencil skirts again.

4) Would that make me a terrible mother? No. That would make me a MILF.

5) I’d really like to smoke a J, but it’s really not going to happen.

Want to be exploited, harassed, and poor? Take your new husband’s last name!

“And how were the woman who kept their own names judged? They were described as ‘less caring, more independent, more ambitious, more intelligent and more competent‘.

And here’s where it gets even worse: a woman who took her partner’s name ‘was less likely to be hired for a job and her monthly salary was estimated lower‘ (over the equivalent of $500K in a work life).”

I’m not quite there yet, but I have another 5 weeks to go according to my estimated due date.  Overall, I’m quite an easy-going personality when I have things under control (is that an oxymoron or what???) I don’t sweat the small things too often unless I’m hormonally compromised. For the most part, my pregnancy has been a breeze since my morning sickness subsided at week 14.  I don’t have too many anxieties about being a mother because I am confident in the fact that I am strong enough, caring enough, and above all, confidently intuitive. That’s not to say I don’t expect to make mistakes – I expect to make many, but nothing I can’t shake off.

Going into labor doesn’t scare me one bit. I’m more nervous about getting breastfeeding down than pushing out a human being from between my legs. In fact, in terms of anxieties, labor is on the lower end of the list and fitting into a size 0 again is higher up.  I’ve learned that I am actually quite resilient to physical pain throughout the years.

My only one anxiety is teaching my daughter one very important lesson in which I wish my own parents had taught me more explicitly. Health is wealth. Oh yes, as cliche as it is, people ignore this one too often because they instinctively turn off messages that don’t sync with their behavior.  I learned this lesson on my own throughout my teens and so-called ‘young adulthood’.  Through all the drug experimentation, flings, nights of wondering if I’ve indeed contracted some incurable STD, body piercings, tattoos, and abusive relationships gone wrong; I’ve learned that nothing is more important than respecting your mental and physical well-being to becoming a happy person.

I’m very glad to report that I have a totally clean bill of health, and I intend to keep it this way if I can help it.  But would I have learned this lesson had I not stumbled several times along the way?  Knowing that I am the stubborn type, I can safely answer that question myself.  The answer is a resounding NO.  And it pains me to think that my own children may have to learn this lesson on their own as well.

My younger sister on the other hand, being much more tame than I have ever been, seemed to have had this lesson hardwired into her DNA.  Always so cautious and not much of a risk-taker, she carefully and very consciously makes decisions based on keeping herself in tip-top shape. Never one to skip a class, and always so careful in her selection of friends, and runs 5 miles 3x a week.  I have to say, I am a bit envious, but not being a risk-taker can be such a bore and who wants to be labeled as that?! My vanity seems to get the best of me at times.

Heavy Metal cover by Hajime Sorayama

Coincidentally, Thierry Mugler would be the perfect stylist.

Taken yesterday @ 30 weeks into my pregnancy. My belly looks a lot smaller in photographs than it does when I look down at it.

p.s. feeling my baby kick is magical every time

“My short term or long term wish list?”

“Both. Doesn’t matter.”

My husband asked me this yesterday as I was sipping my decaf cappuccino at the Inter-Con. Then it got me really thinking. What are the things I really want? Should every woman compile and maintain such a list similar to that of a bucket list?

Left to a very wide open imagination, my list could span on and on, but let’s start a work-in-progress, shall we?

Short term:

Christian Louboutin Pigalle 120mm in Nude Patent Leather

Nikon D7000 DSLR

Nikon 18-200mm f3.5/5.6G Nikkor Telephoto Zoom Lens

Hasselblad Series 60HSB Linear Polarizer Glass Filter

Fendi Classico No. 1 Satchel in Beige/Zucca

Max Mara 101801 Camel Coat

Long Term:

Baby #2 (MAG)

2br Manhattan Condo/Loft

Destination wedding vow renewal

Hermes 32cm Kelly Bag in Noir with Gold hardware

Right-hand diamond ring

Natural light photography studio (preferably with North-facing floor-ceiling windows)

Hiroshi Sugimoto ‘Theater’ print

A summer home in New England

“A toast to Yves for ‘smoking’” – NYTimes